Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
