moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
