don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
