normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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