this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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