I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
