my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
