Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
