i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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