why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize