I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
