Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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