Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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