Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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