you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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