do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
