The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
