How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
