She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
