OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
