I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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