fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
