I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
