omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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