Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize