I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
