Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
