you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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