What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize