I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So much rum. So many feels.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
