He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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