and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
