I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize