fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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