all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
