I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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