tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
