took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize