I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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