my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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