FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
