I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I look better un-naked...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
