its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
