my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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