Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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