I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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