I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
