i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
