Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
