Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
