i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
