You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
