Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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