Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
