Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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