You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
