last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
there was a trapeze. enough said
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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