his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize