I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
