just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
