Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I deserve this hangover.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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