your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
