STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
