the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
