So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
